he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
