***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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