4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
false alarm. still invincible.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
