I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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