My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
