New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
