Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
