Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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