Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
