I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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