piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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