Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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