i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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