Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
