plz talk dirty to me
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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