I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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