Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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