so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
