If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
