You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
