he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
