I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I think i peed on brittanys purse
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
