The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
