Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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