We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
