Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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