shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
