I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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