Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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