he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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