Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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