At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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