I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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