Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
