WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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