Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
