Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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