overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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