dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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