I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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