Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
