True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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