he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
