She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
