I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
