ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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