break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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