IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
