You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
