so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
