Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
and she was petting her beer can
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We just shotgunned beers for America
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
