Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
