i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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