i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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