I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
