I feel like abortions should bother me more
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
ttyl tear gas
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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