The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
