I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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